Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
