shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
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I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
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Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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