Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
