just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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