Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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