party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
