I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.