For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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