haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh