It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic