i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick