My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
