I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.