so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
