I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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