You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
