billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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