Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Is it penis luge time yet?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize