Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
