Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
