Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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