i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The struggles of a small town man whore
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
