its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
