OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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