its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
