my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
