i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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