when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You have to summon your inner elephant
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
