I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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