He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
