I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
