I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
