so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
