I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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