Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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