Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
