Pappa wants mamma naked
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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