things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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