how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
