I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
