Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
