nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
