I feel like abortions should bother me more
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
