The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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