he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
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She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
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There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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