Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
