So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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