I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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