my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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