Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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