how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
