You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
