hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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