I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Me too!
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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