peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
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We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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