don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
