is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
