If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
