u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
