Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
