you would pick up someone in the library
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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