did you get engaged???
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
