I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
