even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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