Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
