I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
