Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
