Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
