I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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