Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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