Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
