And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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