One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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