Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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