just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
