She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
