So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
