6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
