Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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