I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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