My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
