i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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