Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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